Chicken & Dumplins

Still not as good as momma's, but as good as Cracker Barrel's, and I don't have to buy my kids some piece of crap over priced toy they're gonna forget about as soon as we get to the truck.

Aw, shit. My wife's shopping the quilts just thinking about Cracker Barrel. . .

Playlist: Chris Stapleton, You should probably leave/Starting over, Dolly Parton, Mule Skinner Blues. Eminem if my wife folds laundry in my way while this happens.

Ingredients

• 1 Whole Chicken

• 4qt water

• 1 ½ teaspoon salt

• 1 small onion

• 2 stalks celery, chopped

• 1 clove garlic, peeled & quartered

• 1 bay leaf

• 4-6 whole parsley leaves

• 1 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper

• 1 tablespoon lemon juice

Dumpins

• 4 cups flour

• 2 tablespoon baking powder

• 2 1/2 teaspoon salt

• 2 cup plus a splash & a half more milk (to get the dough right)

Boil chicken & first list of stuff for 3 hours, covered so as to keep your stock, uncovered if you want a stronger flavor to the dumplins (you'll still have left over stock, don't worry. Actually measure the water, you're guessing sucks. Liquid may reduce by ⅓, stay calm. Strain off the water from floating crud (oh, and the chicken). Save the liquid (you’ll want to use it to make potato soup), return 2 quarts to pot.

Con some poor, dumb sap into shredding that freakin’ hot-ass chicken while you prepare the dumplins. I prefer it not shredded, but pulled apart in chunks.

Sift the flour, baking powder, salt & milk in KitchenAid bowl, or, if you want arms like Arnold, metal bowl & STRONG wooden spoon, stir well until smooth. They will be sticky, it's cool. Roll out onto floured surface to about ½” thickness. Make sure you don't smash it too thin like I did the 1st couple times. They'll cook down to nothing. You'll regret it. Keep 'em thick.

Cut into about 1” squares, I use a pizza cutter, as you cut them up, keep dropping into the stock you have hopefully left on the stove, ‘cause you ain’t done cooking it yet. Make sure you splash the how-ass chicken stock onto your hands & wrists & cuss like a mother fucker when you do it. If someone asks what's wrong, tell them to shut up and get out of the kitchen, there's magic happening in here, damn it. 2nd degree burns add to the flavor, see corn fritters, you'll see. Stir it several times after you’ve added all the dumplins. Shit will stick to the bottom of the pot.

Clean up all that flour. Your kitchen looks like shit at this point. Flour, everywhere

From the time you start dropping your dumplins into the stock (and the chicken some poor dumb sap had to shred), you have about ½ an hour until dinner. You should have already made your sides (slacker) and bread should go in the oven (don’t tell me you forgot the bread).

This is great with mashed taters, but not that instant boxed shit. Might as well keep eating that paste from elementary school. I see it's done you wonders so far.