Fudge!!!

Creamy, fudgy fudge! Easy to make, as long as you have the arm strength, or some poor dumb kid to help you stir it

Playlist: Dolly Parton. Cuz Dolly

What we need to buy?

• 3 cups sugar

• ¾ Cup butter (stick and a half)

• ⅔ Cup evaporated milk (half of a 12oz can. Go ahead and double this recipe. Live a little)

• 12oz semi-sweet (or milk chocolate) chocolate chips. Use peanut-butter chips for PB fudge, yes, it’s that easy

• 7oz marshmallow cream

• 1 tsp vanilla

Chopped nuts, if you just want to throw the whole damn thing out because it’s been ruined. Fucking RUINED. Don't do it. Only Keith Urban loving muthafukkas like nuts in their fudge. And they're all bitches.

How do I do this?

Bring Evaporated milk, butter & sugar to boil on medium to medium high heat, once it comes to a boil, boil for 5 minutes, stir the whole time. . . . the whole time. You're gonna shit yourself when you see it all in the pot, thinking there's no way this is going to liquify. It will, you faithless prick.

Remove from heat, add chocolate chips, marshmallow cream & vanilla, stir until your arm falls off, then switch arms. Make sure both arms fall off and fudge is smooth, that way you don’t have time to ruin it with nuts, and to hide the fact that you didn’t stir it enough. Really though, takes a lot of stirring, and you wanna make sure there's no chunks.

The best way to make the fudge is to do two batches, one of peanut butter, and one of chocolate, and swirl them together, buy making them at the same time, and pouring them in the same LARGE dish, at the same time, zig-zagging while you do it. Also, one can of evaporated milk makes exactly two batches. God wanted you to make two batches. . .

This is best around Christmas, so you can finish off the pans in the week between Christmas & New Year's, when no one knows what day it is, and calories don't matter.

Don't let your diabetic uncle in the same room with this shit though. Just proximity will make his feet fall off.